Healing Through My Ink
25 words from
Dad’s Dead… Now What?
The back of the book holds a 150-word glossary — the language I built to survive this. Here are 25 of them, free.
They’re written in plain language. Some come from medicine and psychology. Others come from spiritual beliefs in my own healing journey.
I built the Glossary so this book works for anyone. It doesn’t matter your education, your background, or whether you’re on the streets right now. Nobody gets left out of their own recovery because of a vocabulary word.
The only one I wrote in the first person
Victim face
The look and posture of someone who has stopped fighting. It is wearing your pain where everyone can see it. It feels like proof that you were hurt.
It is really a trade. You get pity and a pass on hard things. You give up your time, your power, and the people who love you, because victim face turns them into suspects.
I was terrified of getting better, because if I got better, who was I?
Also called victim state, victim mode, or victimhood in this book.
(This is the only entry I wrote in my own voice. It is the one I lived the longest.)
Ancestral Trauma/Ancestral Weight
ClinicalThe idea that trauma gets handed down. What happened to your parents can show up in your body, your feelings, and the way you act. Then it gets passed to the next generation too.
Dissociation
ClinicalWhen the mind cuts away from what is happening. It can be small, like daydreaming. It can be big, like losing track of where you are, or feeling like you are not real. Some people float outside their own body and watch themselves from above.
Father Virus (the)
My own wordThe author’s name for what her father put in her head. The rules, the beliefs, and the way of thinking she picked up from him without ever choosing it.
Gaslighting
ClinicalWhen someone makes you doubt your own memory. They tell you it didn’t happen, or that it didn’t happen that way, until you stop trusting yourself. Common in abusive relationships.
Hypervigilance
ClinicalAlways watching for danger. Never able to fully relax. The body stays on guard even when nothing is wrong. Common in PTSD and C-PTSD.
Imposter Syndrome
ClinicalThe feeling that you did not really earn what you have. That you don’t deserve it. And that sooner or later, someone is going to figure out you were faking.
Parentified
ClinicalWhen a child has to act like the adult. They take care of a parent’s feelings, run the house, or look after everyone else in the family. The roles get swapped. That is not how it is supposed to work.
Spark
My own wordAlso called the Life Spark or the Sovereign Spark. The small part of the author that still wanted to live. It stays lit even when everything else shuts down. When the spark shows up, it means the real self is still in there.
The book puts the Life Spark against the Death Wish. Only one of them can win.
Spiritual Bypassing
SpiritualUsing spiritual ideas to skip past pain instead of dealing with it. Praying, meditating, or trying to “raise your vibration” to get around a wound you have not actually faced.
Window of Tolerance
ClinicalThe zone where you can handle stress and still think clearly. Inside the zone, the thinking part of your brain is working. Outside it, that part shuts off and the body takes over.
Pushed too far up, you fight or run. Pushed too far down, you freeze or start people-pleasing.
There are 150 in the book.
150 entries in total at the back of Dad’s Dead… Now What? The medical words, the military ones, the plant medicine, and the ones I made up because nothing that already existed came close.
Every one of them is written the way these are.
More about the bookCeremony & Integration
The words are exactly as they appear at the back of the book.
Ayahuasca
Plant medicineA plant-based drink made from the Banisteriopsis caapi vine and the Psychotria viridis leaf, traditionally used by indigenous Amazonian peoples for healing and spiritual ceremony. It can cause strong visions and emotions. Often causes purging (vomiting). Also called Yagé.
DMT
Plant medicineA naturally occurring psychedelic compound, present in trace amounts in the human body and in certain plants; the main active compound in ayahuasca.
Yagé
Plant medicineSee Ayahuasca. The Colombian/Ecuadorian name for the purest form of Ayahuasca.
Mother Aya/Grandmother Aya
CeremonyAn affectionate, reverent name for the spirit, intelligence, consciousness of ayahuasca, often described by practitioners as a feminine teacher, mother, or grandmother.
Maloca
CeremonyA sacred, circular ceremonial structure used in ayahuasca ceremonies. Symbolizes the womb of the earth: a protected transformative space.
Dieta
CeremonyThe strict diet and behavioral rules that ayahuasca ceremony participants follow before, during, and after the ceremony. To help the plant medicine work better and lower the risk of bad reactions with food or drugs.
Shamans
CeremonyIndigenous spiritual practitioners who act as a bridge between the human and spiritual worlds. In ayahuasca ceremony contexts, they lead the healing work, sing icaros (sacred songs), and guide participants through visionary states.
Ceremony chants (Icaros)
CeremonyThe sacred songs or chants sung by Shamans during ceremony to guide and direct the healing.
Chaudreh/Mapacho
CeremonyTobacco spray used by Shamans during ceremony to cleanse energetic residue after purging.
Purge/Purging (ceremonial)
CeremonyVomiting, crying, sweating, shaking, or other physical releases during an ayahuasca ceremony. Considered by practitioners to be the body pushing out stored trauma, toxins, and emotional weight. Not seen as illness; seen as medicine working.
NADA
CeremonyA ceremony night in which the participant receives no visions, no purging, and no dramatic experience. Not considered a failure; practitioners describe it as a quiet integration or a background update running silently while the body rests. Often working on the ancestral lineage and stuff you don’t need to be aware of. Sometimes the deepest healing happens in the stillness rather than the storm.
Integration
Coming homeThe work that comes after a plant medicine ceremony. Taking what you saw and learned and turning it into real change in daily life. Most people say this part is the real work. In Ayahuasca, Mother Aya continues to work with you for ninety days after you drink, and often she visits you in your dreams. The author believes that it is a life long process of integration.
Rythmia – The Life Advancement Center
PlaceA legally licensed plant medicine retreat center in Guanacaste, Costa Rica. Offers ayahuasca ceremonies facilitated by experienced Shamans, alongside breathwork, yoga, and integration support. Based on the author’s personal and clinical experience, she highly recommends attending this center if one suffers from complex trauma, PTSD or any other mental health conditions that haven’t responded to any other type of treatment.
Howler Monkeys
PlaceLarge New World monkeys known for their extraordinarily loud howling calls. Present throughout the Costa Rican rainforest surrounding Rythmia.
What it’s actually like — before, during and after.
What actually happens at a ceremonyI treat your email as sacred. Most of what I do will live here on the website, not on the platforms.
Seen. Not alone. There’s a way out.
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This book and the trilogy that follows are intended for informational and educational purposes only. The content reflects the author’s personal interpretation of clinical and scientific information and should not be considered professional medical advice. Readers are advised to consult qualified healthcare professionals for personalized advice, diagnosis, and treatment. Nothing in these pages is a substitute for professional medical care.
The opinions and insights shared are informed by the author’s own lived experience, extensive research, and professional background as a registered nurse. The author, Healing Through My Ink Inc., and publisher disclaim any liability for actions taken based on the information contained herein. Readers are responsible for their own decisions and actions regarding their health and well-being. By reading this book, you acknowledge that you understand and agree to these terms.